This past weekend was the last weekend before Antoine started his new job in Chicago (on Monday). We spent most of it running around like crazy people in an attempt to get stuff done. It was hectic and stressful, not exactly the ideal weekend I had imagined! But we will have many weekends together, so not all is lost.
Yesterday was my first day flying solo. I dropped Antoine off at the airport around 5:30am amid fantastical rainstorms...and then I was by myself. I did okay. I didn't crawl into the fetal position or cry my eyes out. I let Cheese out, got ready for work, went to work, gave Cheese a bath, took out the garbage, made dinner, did some dishes and watched some tv. Pretty standard. Still, it felt kind of weird. I had lived alone before I met Antoine (after living with my HLP for many many years). But I think I only lived alone for about a year before Antoine moved into my apartment with me. So really, I've never been alone for too long. Not that I have anything against living alone, it was kind of nice (if a little lonely). It's just, I don't live alone now. I live in a house with a puppy, three cats and a very special fella. And while that guy might be on the road right now he's still all around me! I can look over on the couch and see his grey and black hoodie. Or see his crinkled up Vellux blankets on the bed. In the house it still feels like he's here, like he's just stepped out for a bit...maybe he's picking up a pizza or something!? Maybe it'll sink in and after a bit I won't be fooled anymore? I hope not, I like living in this state of denial, it's comforting.
Meanwhile, all this time I've been whining about how scared I was of Antoine starting his new consulting job. How I was going to be all alone. How I was going to have to do all the dishes, let Cheese out, feed the animals, make dinner, clean litterboxes, etc. All of it! What I wasn't thinking is that I'm not the one who got the short end of the straw here, Antoine did! I get to stay home, sit in my pjs with Cheesy on my lap, and watch tv on our couch. But Antoine doesn't have it so lucky! He had to fly out at 7am, meet up with his new boss he's never met, get filled in on his new job (aka overloaded with new info), check-in to his hotel after 5pm, go to some restaurant for dinner, and then come back to a strange hotel room. It's a lot to absorb in a 24 hour period. It will get easier, it's just big adjustment. But Chicago isn't home. While I can curl up with his pillow (that smells like him) if I'm feeling lonely, he can't. I feel bad for the poor guy! I've been so selfish worrying about how I was going to cope with this big change when really I'm the one who has it easy!
Stay strong Antoine! It'll get easier and Thursday will be here before you know it. I love you and I miss you!!
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