Happy New Year!

Now I'm not one who generally gives a crap about New Years! In fact, throughout most of my childhood, when New Years' Eve rolled around I was clueless as to what day it was; let's face it, as a youngster/teen I usually couldn't tell you if it was a Tuesday or Wednesday (or whatever)! And, as I've mentioned in other posts, my memory sucks, so really I can't remember any previous New Years' Eve festivities except for three.

1.) The year it turned 1999. I had a sleepover with some of my friends and VH1 proceeded to play the video for "1999" by Prince over and over for what seemed like 24 hours. And of course, my friends wanted to watch it until I passed out from a Prince overload!

2.) Maybe 2001 or 2002? I had, as per usual, completely forgot it was New Years' Eve. My best friend invited me over to her house to spend the night (that same day), and I was completely clueless! It wasn't until I got over there and she had all the pre-ball drop/NYC stuff playing on the tv that I realized why I had been invited over. I think we made cookies and watched movies.

3.) Last New Years' Eve. One of the few years I actually made plans. My best friend Amanda, our friend Kristen, Antoine and I went downtown for free ice skating (it was everyone's but Kristen's first time ice skating, and it was absolutely freezing) and then we went to a total dive bar that was just down the street from where I was living and rang in the New Year there. It was fun, the bar was giving out beads and New Years' hats and noise makers! It was a 40-something crowd of locals who'd obviously been going there for years; we played pool and drank until midnight.

So, due to may lack of caring about New Years' and even remembering past celebrations (or lack there of) it's obvious that I've never been one to look back at the past year and contemplate it's ups and down. Anyway, I figured this year I'd try something new! So, here's my highs and lows of the year:

Lows (start with the bad first):

1. Dad found out he had cancer
2. I hit/killed a cat with my car (the first animal I've knowingly hit with my car besides a bird...I balled nonstop as soon as it happened)
3. Start working at Sbux again
4. I gained more weight

Highs:

1. Dad's chemo was successful and he's doing great!
2. Antoine and I bought a house
3. We got a new kitten, Guillermo
4. Antoine and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary of being together
5. We went to Jamaica (for our anniversary)
6. Made new friends

That's all I can think of right now, but still , the good outweighs the bad! So I guess this year has been pretty good. And even without the list, if you asked me if I had a good year or not I'd say 'yes', because the pluses stick out so much more than the negatives!

So, here's to a fantastic New Year! Hopefully even better than the last!

You Love Me? How Do I Tell If I Love You?

*Mushy warning!! This post may contain mushy bits about love and whatnot (no shit Sherlock, look at the title). All those who squirm at the thought of love might want to avert their eyes!

Love is funny word. People use it in so many ways. You might tell one person you love them and mean one sentiment, but the love you feel for another person might be something totally different. For me, I've always known that I loved certain people in my life...my parents, close friends, my sister, my grandparents, etc. But that only covers really two aspects of love, that of family and of friends. But to be in love with someone is really quite different. And I didn't realize that until a little over a year ago.

See, I had never been "in love" before. I had loved, and loved deeply, my friends and family, but I never experienced that third type of love. I had seen it in movies, heard it in songs, and read about it in books and even seen it right in front of me, yet I had no clue how little I knew about it. But that changed when I met Antoine, although not initially. Hmm, I think a little back-story is required here...

Antoine and I had been dating for about two months when his birthday came around. I had got him tickets for the two of us to go see the Black Keys (one of his favorite bands) in Northern Kentucky three months later. Now, I was making a notable statement here...that I expected/hoped we'd still be together come October! Antoine was pretty excited about the tickets, but maybe a little more excited that I had got something for him that suggested I saw this relationship progressing; which I did, I was pretty crazy about him. Apparently Antoine felt the same for me. While I was expecting a 'thank you', a hug and maybe some kisses, I got all that plus a "I think I'm falling in love with you". I was a little shocked, a little speechless and probably a little red! When I regained my ability to form words, unfortunately all I could muster was an "I don't know if I can say that yet, it that okay?", in a rushed and somewhat petrified tone. Horrible thing to say, right? (Antoine took it pretty well, he was notably a little hurt, but said that he didn't expect me to say it back he just wanted to say what he was feeling.) But really, what else should I have said..."I love you" back? I wasn't sure, I mean, I'd never been in love before. I didn't know what that felt like! I mean, how do you know when you love someone? That's a question that took me about a month to figure out.

A couple of weeks after the "I love you" I was leaving on a mini road trip with my best friend Amanda (aka my HLP...I'll explain later in another post). We were driving to Denver and staying with her cousin for about a week to see the city, as well as Boulder and Rocky Mountain National Park (one of my favorite places on earth). Oh, please forgive me, I'm going to have to sidetrack for a second and briefly tell a story about the morning of the day Amanda and I were leaving. Antoine had spent the night (and no, we weren't getting down and dirty yet, so get that out of your mind). While I was in the shower getting ready for work, Antoine popped out of the apartment and ran to my favorite local donut shop, Pleasant Ridge Donuts (best donuts in the city). They have these amazing buttermilk donuts that are so delicious, and if you get them fresh they literally dissolve in your mouth! It's heaven! Anyway, Antoine decides to be incredibly sweet (that's just the way he is) and get me some buttermilk donuts. Unfortunately he gets there and the owner says they are still cooking and that it'll be a couple of minutes. About 40 minutes later, they're done! Antoine rushes back to the apartment just as I'm getting ready to leave. What a sweetheart, right!? And, the donuts were amazing...best I've ever had, but maybe that had something to do with who got them for me!

Anyway, back to my original story...Amanda and I were gone on our mini roadtrip for about 10 days. During those 10 days, I tried to talk to Antoine as much as I could. The longer I was gone, the more I missed him. And when I got back to Cincinnati and I saw him again I realized just how much I missed him and...how much I loved him! I know, I was a little slow, but finally I knew! I couldn't really tell you what exactly it was or what it felt like, I just all of a sudden knew! With everything inside of me, with all that space between us, I knew I never wanted to be that far away from him for that long again.

Different people might describe it in different ways, but for me love is everything. It's wanting to be around a person and never getting sick of them, which is still the case with Antoine and I! There's never a day, an hour or a minute when I think, "Man, I just want to be alone! Can I just get a break from him?" It's the way he looks at me sometimes, and the way I just stop what I'm doing and look at him, this warmth washes over me and I feel happy. And it's even the way his always being late drives me completely insane, but I can never stay mad at him for more than a hour or so! It's all those things and so much more...it's something that I can't even describe with words. It just feels good and I'm so glad I get to experience it! The end.

Make Time For Some Fun

Fun is important, especially around the holidays when it feels like you're working non-stop and with all the shopping, gift wrapping and general stress you feel like you haven't really been out in the world for decades! It usually takes a little reworking of our schedules, but occasionally Antoine and I will get a night off together to either relax, because we're exhausted (usually the case), or have some fun with some of our friends and/or family. Another thing that's important...the occasional pictures. I'm a visual person, so I think it was getting to me that, so far, my posts have been merely text-based. So, I figured, why not combine both!? Here's some pictures from our most recent social outing to the Zoo's "Festival of Lights" (it was both Antoine and my first time attending). We were having a fun double date night with my sister and my brother-in-law, which involved pizza, beer, the zoo, Christmas presents and gelato. Oh, and I couldn't resist throwing in a picture of our adorable little kitten.

Enormous Christmas tree at the Festival of Lights.

Pretty lights.

One of my favorite things to do when I'm around twinkle lights and I have a camera.

Antoine and I enjoying ourselves while freezing our tails off!

Guillermo (our little guy) sleeping next to me on the couch while I crochet.

Bacon and Why It's Hard To Go To Work Sometimes...

Here's a little known fact for you...Antoine makes the best breakfast in the world! Okay, maybe not "in the world" but it's pretty darn amazing. I first realized this after we had been dating for about two or three months, once Antoine started spending the night at my place. I'm lucky enough to declare that, yes, I have had a guy make me breakfast in bed! Not only that, a damn good breakfast made by a damn good guy! Since those first breakfasts I've become an avid fan of Antoine's morning culinary skills, particularly his breakfast potatoes and his breakfast sandwiches. Just thinking of it now makes my mouth water a little bit! While Antoine's ability to make a mean breakfast gives my taste buds a wonderful treat, the affect on my waistline (actually, more my butt and thighs) has been less than ideal. But, who am I kidding, I'm a girl who loves to eat, regardless of yummy breakfast sandwiches or not!

Anyway, back to the original objective of my post...the link between bacon and not wanting to go to work. This morning, I woke up and got ready for work as I usually do. This entails me staying in bed for as long as I possibly can, snuggling with Antoine, and usually our kitten Guillermo, until that moment when I know if I don't get out of bed now I'm going to be late for work! This is often a difficult hurdle to jump for me, yet I almost always manage to prevail and make it into the shower. Once I'm done with my shower I'm occasionally drawn back into the warmth and snuggliness (I don't care that that's not a real word) of my bed, but usually Antoine has stumbled downstairs to the couch by that point, so it's a little less tempting. After this point is generally a breeze to find the courage to brave another day of work....UNLESS I see bacon in the fridge while I'm grabbing my yogurt for lunch or Antoine mentions that he might make some breakfast for himself this morning! This is like kryptonite to me! The possibility of bacon (and not just any bacon, bacon from a local butcher near my parents house that is fresher than any of that crappy, all-fat-no-meat bacon that you find in the grocery store, and without the growth hormones and poor treatment of the livestock associated with factory farming) and a homemade breakfast made with love by my guy is enough for make me want to run upstairs and throw my pajamas back on, giving work the finger and saying hello to my big comfy couch and my slippers. It's enough to make a girl go crazy! Now, if I had an abundance of sick time, I'd call in faking a stomach ache or something, but I don't (maybe because I've played hookie far too many times)! Instead, I have to force myself to leave the house, get in my car and go to work. It's not easy, especially once I get to work and I realize that instead of a yummy bacon, egg and cheese biscuit I get to eat a packet of oatmeal for breakfast...yum (please, note the sarcasm).

Love Story: Part Three

So, I left off on the first date. A very nervous and late Antoine had just picked me up. He was quite the gentleman though, apologizing for being late, telling me how nice I looked, and opening the car door for me (which he still does to this day...even if we're just going to the grocery store). I knew we were having dinner, what I didn't know was where. We began driving to this mystery location and surprisingly I was a regular chatterbox in the car. I wasn't really nervous...astonishing, I know! We proceeded to pull into the parking lot of one of my favorite restaurants, the Melting Pot. I stated, "I love this place, it's one of my favorites". Antoine told me that he'd never been there, but he knew I loved cheese so he figured I might like it! I was admittedly surprised that we were going to such a nice restaurant on a first date, and a blind date at that! I did try to make the bill as small as I could, getting water (which is the norm for me anyway) and suggesting that we just get cheese and chocolate (instead of a full entree, also another norm for me at Melting Pot).

Dinner was great, as usual, and the date was progressing just fine. I can't really remember what we talked about, probably jobs and where we're from and all that, but I do remember me continuing to be fairly calm and talkative and he remained nervous and slightly quiet. We ate our dinner, which at the Melting Pot takes some time, and then left the restaurant. Antoine then suggested that we go to a movie, which I agreed to. However, instead of going to one of the nearby theaters we went to one in Northern KY, nearly 30 minutes away (not his fault, it is one of the main theaters in the Cincinnati area). So, by this time it was probably close to 10 o'clock or so, I was starting to get sleepy, as I usually do around that time when I have work the next morning, but onward we went to the theater.

I must admit, I have a horrible memory. So, sadly, I'm not exactly sure what movie we saw on our first date. It was either Iron Man or Get Smart; one we saw on our first date, the other on our 3rd or 4th. Let me also admit, prior to the date I was hoping he wouldn't take me to a movie. I love movies, most everyone knows that about me, but I don't feel movies are conducive to what dating is all about (at least in the beginning)...talking. Here are the reasons why I don't think movies work on the first couple dates...

1.) Do you get popcorn and a drink or not?: When a guy takes you out for dinner it's assumed that you'll order an entree, but when you go to a movie I don't think it should be necessarily assumed that popcorn is included, especially if it's a dinner/movie combo date. With the combo date, the guy has already shelled out a decent amount of money on dinner for both you and him, by the time you get to the theater he's unloading an additional $6 to $10 each on the ticket alone (that's nearly as much as an entree at a normal restaurant). I don't think it's fair to add the overpriced theater popcorn/drink/candy into the mix. But let's face it, any decent guy will offer the option to you, that's what Antoine did and I refused it.

2.) Pre-movie chatting: I feel that side-by-side talking is uncomfortable and generally strained (unless you're further along in dating...you know, the stage where you're all snuggling and thigh grabbing). While sitting so close to your date might be an added bonus, it really doesn't allow for any good conversation. Instead you wind up twisting your neck so much that you end up with a cramp.

3.) Do you have a talker on your hands? (This only pertains to people with pet peeves similar to mine.) One of my biggest pet peeves is when people talk during movies. For me, this applies to ALL movies, but I think talking in the theater is by far the worst. Unfortunately for Antoine, he was not aware of this. So when he leaned in to talk to me during the movie, he got a very slight nod and a cold shoulder every time.

4.) Arm around the shoulder: Now I know this depends on the people, their body types, their preferences, etc, but for me, those initial arm-around-my-shoulder moves, while romantic and sweet, were horribly uncomfortable and left my neck craned and cramped. In our case though, Antoine is slightly shorter than me, leaving his "arm around my shoulder move" more like an "arm around the upper back move". Sometimes I think things like that need to be finessed once you get to know someone better (you know, through practice). Now we've got it perfected, but we'll both admit that that first move was a bit awkward and uncomfortable.

5.) The post-movie discussion: While we didn't experience any difficulty in this department (even though I'm usually quiet and resistant to discussing movies right after I see them...I'm weird like that). In general, I think this has the potential to make a date go little sour, depending on the subject of the film and how different people respond to it.

But, I guess all those awkward moments are just part of the first date though and without them it might be a tad boring.

After the movie, Antoine took a very sleepy me back to my apartment. We said goodnight with a hug at my porch, which was nice since he knew I wanted to move slow. All in all, not the best first date in the world, but not the worst. It left me interested for another date.

Spoiler: Our second date was by far one of my favorite dates in that first month of dating Antoine! It's one we still talk about all the time.