Thursday, February 24, 2011


I find myself on the edge of something.  Maybe it's a cliff, maybe it's Spring more bad weather, maybe it's bliss.  Who the Hell knows!?  I know I don't.

This is the last week before Antoine starts his job in Chicago (well, just north of Chicago).  Come Monday morning I'll be driving him to the airport and kissing his goodbye until late Thursday evening.  It's a consulting position that will most likely last for about a year or so.  It's something that we have both been worrying about, in the most silent way possible.  But, it's scary.  It's such a big change and we have every right to be shaking in our boots about it.  I don't doubt the possibilities it holds, I am sure there are many.  I've just got a mass of butterflies fluttering around in my stomach that I can't seem to comprehend at this moment.  Oh change, how you twist and turn my inside parts!

Another cusp I find myself on is my new found work life.  Now that I have one job I am forced to think of only that one job as my work.  I love the library, but am I getting everything out of it I should?  And, more importantly, am I putting all the effort into it that I should?  Probably not.  But I want to.  I have been at the library for over three years, and for those three years I have, until now, had another job.  Have I made the most of the past three years here?  I'm not sure.  And now I am about to start a major project at work that will take a good amount of my time in the next coming month, and it really has nothing to do with the day to day work I do.  It's pretty new and uncharted territory for me and I'm a little nervous (but also excited) by it.  I have an opportunity to be creative, in a new way that I'm an unfamiliar with, to learn new programs and do something that others will actually experience and connect with my name.  Eeek.

So, I find myself here, on this cusp.  Terrified.  Nervous.  Excited.  Nauseous.  I know that good will come from these changes, that in the end I might learn a thing or two about myself, but that doesn't make it any less scary. 

Here I go...

1 comment:

Amanda said...

With everything that's been going on with me this week, I can't believe I didn't realize it was your last week with Antoine at home! I'm sorry I haven't been around much. I know that it will be tough, but I also know that you two can handle anything life throws at you. I've never seen two people so sickeningly in love before, so don't worry too much! I'm a phone call and a couple hour drive away whenever you need me!