Monday, February 22, 2010

Evil Cats Are Trying to Ruin My Life...

My cats have gone evil! Like evil genius evil! I believe that they are trying to slowly wear me down mentally and emotionally so that I have a breakdown and then they can rule the house. Let me explain...

Over the weekend, {Friday night} Buddy (the eldest male) tore my mattress to shreds to the point where you can almost see the insides, Gui (kitten) decided he can't go to the bathroom properly and got gooey poo all over his bottom that I have to wash off. {Saturday morning} I step in cat hairball mess (again...Missy, the only female and "Hairball Queen"), Antoine and I wake up to a 50 degree house to learn (after the furnace is inspected by a professional) that one of the cats has messed with the wires and effectively turned it off (the exact culprit is unknown), while getting ready to assemble my bed frame (that was recently returned by a friend who was borrowing it) I find that the cat (most likely Guillermo) has removed the screws needed to hold it together that were ducted taped to it (only one has been recovered). Then {this morning} I am getting ready...I was wearing my slippers and precisely 5 seconds after removing my slippers I step in cat vomit or a very moist hairball! It was BETWEEN MY TOES...squishing! Ewwww! I nearly vomited! And, it almost made me late for work (we're talking down to seconds)! And I went all nutso on poor Antoine in the process, even though he didn't make the cats throw up (again, he's a human and can talk and understand my yelling, so by default he's the receptacle for most of my cat-related rage)! Sorry Antoine! :( I don't know how you put up with me!?

All of these things = EVIL CATS FROM HELL!

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