Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Damned Viruses!

I just want some freaking anti-biotics already! So, here's the scoop...I hate viruses! Well, obviously! But now I know (and knowing is half the battle, right?) that I hate viruses more than other forms of sickness...i.e. bacteria caused sickness! Here's a breakdown of just why viruses suck so much:

1.) They suck! Not just that, they super suck! They suck the life out of you. They suck the energy out of you. They suck your soul out like a vacuum cleaner sucks up a hamster. (Wow, now I kind of feel weird having said "suck" that much. Oh well!)

2.) There ain't shit you can do about it! If you get something caused by bacteria, say as a upper respiratory infection...[BOOM] Z-Pak! If you get a virus, umm, say viral meningitis...[BOOM] NOTHING! You're told to go home and rest and treat the symptoms if you can! Gee, thanks doctor! (Please be aware that I realize it is not the doctors fault, I'm just frustrated!)

So by this point, you might be scratching your head wondering where the hell I'm going with this OR your jaw might have dropped to your desk because I just blew your mind! Either way, I think I've pretty much made it clear that viruses suck and my recent bout with viral meningitis was less than pleasant. Well, here's a new bullet point to add to the rant...I think I might have pneumonia. I've been having trouble breathing for the last couple days, then last night I noticed obvious and sharp pain in my lungs that affected my breathing and my ability to do my Sbux chores. I talked to my mom, who's had pneumonia many a times (pretty much everyone in my immediate family has) and she said that's what it sounded like. Bummer!

Now, there's something you need to know about me...I'm an idiot! And being an idiot, sometimes I very stupidly will check WebMD when I'm not feeling well! Now, for those non-idiots reading who don't know the suggestive powers of WedMD, let me explain...it's evil! Yes, it's informative and [can be] helpful, but it has a way of making a person with a bladder infection think they've got some rare disease with a high occurrence of sudden death! It's happened to me several times, I'll admit it! But this time, I went in being practical, not paranoid, and [most importantly] I didn't use the symptom checker (i.e. "the evil death spawn of anxiety"). Instead I just read the overview for pneumonia (I know, so practical and non-hypochondriac of me). I was not suprised when a couple of the symptoms seemed familiar, and then I read that there's two types of pneumonia: that caused by bacteria and that of the (DUN DUN DUN!) viral persuasion. And surprise, surprise, suprise...for those poor suckers who have the viral kind (which is most likely what I have, if I have it, considering I just had a nasty virus)...no anti-biotics...just rest! Swell! Damn you virus, you suck! The end!

1 comment:

Christian said...

A couple years ago, when I had that six months of weird sickness, we got a laptop. The nights I couldn't sleep were spent on WebMD and the days were spent trying to convince myself that I didn't have lung cancer or some other potentially fatal disease.

WebMD = the debbil